Activities to Avoid

I am officially 31 weeks pregnant. Only 8 more weeks to go! Yippie! Or is it 9 more weeks? Whatever, my due date is quickly approaching. As I'm due in approximately 2 months, I've been reading up on what I should and should not be doing at this time of my life. For example, should I be assembling baby furniture without my husband's supervision? Should I be going shopping and staying on my feet for extended periods of time? Should I be working and getting worked up because of my students? Imagine my excitement when I found an article titled "What activities shoudl I avoid during pregnancy?".

Here's a list of the activities that I should avoid, and my comments on them:

• Amusment Park Rides - Safe here. Last time I tried to go on a ride, I wouldn't fit. This was summer before last when the Bentleys visited (Erin & Ben). Besides, with a baby on the way, who can afford a last minute trip to Disneyland (possibly the only amusement park that has rides I'd fit on)?
• Bicycling - Yeah, mine has 2 flat tires. That so ain't happening.
• Contact Sports - Wait, I thought that sex was supposed to induce labor, and when I'm getting on 39 weeks you can bet that I want to induce this thing. Oh, you didn't mean that kind of contact sport? What other kind is there? Fooball? Me?! Are you serious?!?! UFC? Now you're just kidding, right?
• Downill Skiing - Have you looked outside? I think that if anyone tried to downhill skii that there would be health risks due to the lack of snow.
• Gymnastics - And here I was planning a floor routine to be done at school. This is possibly the most applicable one for me, becuase I love to do the splits, and cartwheels, and all kinds of acrobatic stunts. Have no fear, I will not be perfoming at the winter olympics, spring, summer, or fall olympics either for that matter.
• Horseback Riding - Can these authors be any more sexually suggestive?
• Post-sport tubs & saunas - Were these ever safe during my pregnancy? I get yelled at when I'm pink from taking too hot of a bath! I'm pretty positive that I was never supposed to be in one of these.
• Running - Now you're kidding me, right? Me? Run? Have you ever seen me run? No? I didn't think so. See, this all started in like 5th grade when I was the last one in from running the lap. The teacher thought it would be nice for the other kids to cheer me on so that we could go inside. I was humiliated. Screw you all you Faria A+ non-asthma-having kids! Yes, approximately 6 years later I was FINALLY diagnosted with asthma. Now my avoidance of running makes sense. I still cannot run a mile. I can walk a mile just fine. I can walk multiple miles just fine. But running them? Seriously? Why would I need to do that? Is there a dog chasing me? A serial killer? Becuse that's literally the only time I'd consider running that kind of distance.
• Scuba Diving - My irrational fear of fish and the ocean in general (I have had a panic attack at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Fish are scarry!) will rule this one out for y'all.
• Snowboarding - The one time I did that I hurt in places I didn't know I could hurt. Please take note of the comment I listed for downhill skiing. It is definitely not the season to be snowboarding. I don't do this, even in the winter. I don't skii either, but that's just because I'd sprain my ankle or hurt my knee if I did. How about a snowball fight? Or we could cuddle up in front of the fire, and laugh at all the idiots outside freezing their asses off. Yeah, that sounds more like me.
• Surfing - My husband owns a surfboard and a wetsuit. He has used them a total of one time. I'm pretty sure that the wetsuit doesn't fit anymore, and I'm fine with that. Since the recent (think two weeks ago) shark attack at the beach in my town (Marina State beach is in Marina, CA, which is where I live) I'm quite content NOT ever going in the ocean.
• Tennis - Now, this is the second one that's actually likely to occur for me. I like tennis. I like serving the balls and letting Andrew chase them all over the place. The balls we have are old, so they don't bounce well, and when he can hit them back (my serves are all over the place) they don't make it very far so I don't have to bother trying to hit them. Yeah, tennis is aerobic exercise that doesn't require me to do much. I love tennis.
• Waterskiing - Irrational fear of water. Unless this waterskiing occurs in a bathtub, hot tub, or pool (where I can see the bottom of the deep end without any trouble) then it ain't happening.

As you can see, this list was not very helpful. I was more wondering if I can paint my baby's room, do the dishes, vacuum, or clean out the car and change the oil safely. These activities are all physically demanding, and if you've ever been pregnant then you know how unlikely it is that after working all day you will have the energy left to do anything on this list. Hell, I barely have the energy to hit the "preview" then "publish post" button below this screen.